NOVEMBER | 2019 | LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

THANKFULLY IN LOVE

There number or reasons that exist to explain why we enter into romantic relationships are endless. Our relationships are founded on desires to be with people who make us feel special, and because having someone who knows us just as well as we know ourselves is beyond validating. Having a compatible partner comes in handy when the ‘if’ in life strikes because we don’t have to do it alone and the presence of our Beaux means that we’ll (hopefully) have someone there with us to help us hold the line. Our relationships should provide us with a sense of mutual support, growth, companionship, and most importantly, love. 

All of this sounds beautiful, but let’s face it, sometimes that [redacted] get on our goddamn nerves! He leaves gobs of shaving cream on the vanity, he hangs the toilet paper wrong, and although he thinks we don’t notice the way he creeps his sneaky ass to the thermostat in the middle of the night, we do. We do. But whatever. We’re with him for a reason right? Right. There’s not a couple existing on this planet where one doesn’t find themselves annoyed at the other, because no matter how unintentional these annoyances might be, its really, really easy for us to notice, and sometimes give into our frustrations with them as well.  We overstand this as a reality, which is why Love & Relationships is going to spend a little time reminding you of how to address these annoyances and on ways to show your Beaux that you appreciate him regardless of whether he take forever to respond to your good morning text. 

First things first, relationships are built and defined by the people in them, and the only thing that they’ll have in common is that none of them will ever be perfect. Ever. If you’re with someone and are waiting for a continued era of perfection, you’re doing it wrong. While there will never be an era of perfection, there will almost always be an era of complacency. You might not act like you know what we’re talking about, but deep down, you know. It’s generally the period existing between the honeymoon phase and the separation. It’s when things aren’t bad, but they’re not as exciting as they used to be, when date nights become less frequent, the sex is just “meh”, and when either one or both parties stop doing the things they did to cuff the other.

Shit like this happens, which is why its important to understand that perfection, as it pertains to relationships, is a farce. You start focusing more on work, allow insecurity to creep in, and are uncertain of where things are heading. It happens. However, life, much like love, isn’t about the things you can’t control, but the things you can, and if you’re really about this life, then you’ve gotta show him that you’re still down. 

Since we’re smack dead in the middle of our second annual Gratitude issue, the first gem we’re going to give you is to remind your Beaux that you appreciate him. Cash app him a few dollars while he’s at work for lunch, or, if possible, bring him lunch. The gesture will not only remind him that you’re thinking about him, but you’ll get a chance to see some of the coworkers he’s been complaining to you about as well. Another tip is to slide in his DMs like you did when you were originally trying to shoot your shot.

We can personally assure you that sending him a “Hey pa, you single?” message, is going to shock the hell out of him- partly because he won’t understand your angle, but be persistent and engage your Beaux in a little role play. He's sure to catch on and play along as well.

A deeper dive into all of this is a check in. We become complacent in our relationships when we stop checking in with each other. Remember how you’d ask your Beaux about his day when things were new? Well its time to blow the dust off of that memory and make it a consistent thing.  Make sure that you don’t stick to the surface questions either, because you didn’t do that when you were trying to make him yours. Don’t front. You remember when you wanted to know his name and if he had a man, you wanted to know his number and if you could come over and, you wanted to know what he liked, so you could it all night. Shout out to everyone who sang that in their head. 

Anyways, those days are over, because the prize has been won, but this doesn’t mean you should stop checking in. How are things going? What, if anything, is he missing? What’s going on in his world, and what does he need? These questions are important because they keep us in tune with our partner and might prompt him to open up about something he’s been keeping in. 

Another sure way to shock the shit out of our Beaux is to put something on a bill! Yeah, you read that right! Even if you can’t pay the whole bill (because shit’s getting real in these streets), dedicate a few bucks to one of your Beaux’s bills just because. And before you find yourself asking if he’d really appreciate that, ask yourself...would you? The more we commit ourselves to our Beaux and the relationship we have with them, the more we’ll notice what makes them tick. Its important for us to remember this because we’ll almost always need to call upon this knowledge in the future.

Any one of us who’ve either been or are currently in a relationship knows about the inner critic. We all have one, and our Beaux is no exception. Part of showing gratitude to our Beaux is by dampening the effect of his inner critic. We’ll never hear his inner critic directly, but he’ll repeat the things his inner critic tells him aloud, just like the rest of us do. Our job as his Beaux is to do our best to negate the baseless criticisms he has about himself by replacing them with affirmations and encouragement.  

Many of us confuse being comfortable with our Beauxs with taking them for granted, and the thin line that lies between these things gives complacency all the space it needs. We’ve gotta be careful with this because that complacency can quickly turn into resentment.

Being comfortable with our Beaux means that we’re not embarrassed during events of uncontrollable flatulence, morning breath, or in him occasionally catching us between trips to the barber shop. Being comfortable demonstrates the presence of unconditional love, and that we accept our Beaux for who they are, good, bad, or indifferent. Being complacent with our relationship is something totally different. Our complacency leads us to breaking the promises we’ve made, taking more than we give, and in putting people and things ahead of our Beaux because we either assume that he won’t mind, or don’t care if he does.  

Again, it's easy to understand how some of us find ourselves in these situations. Work becomes more demanding, your family and friends are doing the most, and by the time you and your Beaux are together, the only thing you’ve got the energy to do is to get enough rest so that you can do it all again the next day.

But we’ve got to be careful that we’re not ignoring the man who is supposed to have our back as much as we’re supposed to have his. We’ve got to be vigilant in showing our Beaux how much we appreciate him, and we should expect the same from him. We do this by committing our time to him, because it’s the most valuable resource we have. If we want him to feel our appreciation then we’ve got to include him in our schedules the way we include everything else. 

Money might not grow on trees, but it certainly does talk. This is why its important that we invest a little (or a lot, because we’re not in your pockets) in showing our Beaux some love. Cash app him a few dollars for lunch or treat him to a date night. And we shouldn’t allow a lack of funds to keep us from keeping it fresh, because Google is filled with interesting date night ideas that can be done on a budget.  Also keep in mind that none of this should be one sided. 

Regardless of how our relationships are structured, selflessness is going to be expected from all parties involved. Such, showing our Beaux how much we appreciate him isn’t a one way street, and we should expect that he puts in just as much as we do. This means that they put just as many of our needs above their own as we do, and that they show their appreciation to us in the same ways that we show our appreciation to them. Of course there will be times when our Beauxs will find themselves standing dangerously close to our last nerve, but that shouldn’t overshadow our love for him, or the ways we show our appreciation for him putting up with the silly things we do that he finds equally annoying.