RSVP

Hey Beaux, 

Our versus issues is pretty fun to create because it gives us a chance to put our spin on some of life’s common juxtapositions. Conflict is a natural part of life, and if you don’t believe that then ask gravity. Yes, gravity, the mystical force that keeps us bound to this planet, the same force that keeps us from being flung into space. 

One of evolution’s little challenges has been to test life against earth’s gravity. Those who manage to stand upright under its pressure are granted access to the next level of existence, while those who can’t are squished. 

That’s probably a silly way to relate conflict to your everyday life, but that doesn’t make it any less true. What’s more true is that every conflict you encounter will be invite only, and our decision to attend through attention is one you often make in haste. 

You’re doing a great job at life if you’ve managed to live it without getting into it with someone. Either that, or you’re a doormat. Regardless, if you’ve ever found yourself the recipient of an invitation to an argument, this month’s Essentials is right where you belong!

And since we’re on the subject of invitations, the trap of the argument presents itself as being more inviting than it really is. It lures you in by challenging you to be right, or daring you to be wrong. It tugs at your attention, and is probably one of the few things capable of bringing you out of character. It lurks beneath harmless jokes, political beliefs, and musical faves. Your carelessness will lead you to it, but your ignorance will keep you in its clutches.  

You’ve heard the saying of how arguments are invitation only, and about how you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. A calm mind can easily process this, but an emotionally charged one can sometimes get lost in the thick of things.

Regardless of whether you’ve been offended, have offended someone else, are trying to prove that you’re right, or are desperate to prove someone else wrong, attending a pointless argument makes about as much sense as wearing a condom to a virtual orgy. Also, pay attention to the use of the word “pointless”.

There’s almost never anything worth arguing over. Fix your face, because you didn’t let us finish. There are very few things worth arguing over, but there are  a shit ton of things worth arguing for. This isn’t the tightrope you think it is. 

Some of the things you’ve probably argued over may include parking spaces, the last of the apple juice, and the dried splashes of unwiped piss on the seat of a toilet that hasn’t been flushed. 

Conversely, some of the things you’ve probably argued for includes being heard, the feelings you have about the jokes made about your wandering eye, and the emotions you experience after going into the bathroom to discover a splattering of dried piss on the seat of a toilet, which again, hasn’t been flushed. 

The difference between the two is that you most often argue OVER trivial (but still annoying) things, and argue FOR (or against) the validity of an ideal. Chances are that if you aren’t aware of which scenario you’re in, you’re going to find yourself more than frustrated. 

Consider spending a lot of time thinking about whether the argument is over something that doesn’t matter or for or against an ideal that does. 

In the event that you’re arguing over something, remember the importance of picking your battles, Beaux. Not everything is worth the energy, and arguing over something that won’t matter after everything is said and done is a complete waste of time. The reason we included the word pointless is because arguing over the trivial is…trivial. 

Take time to evaluate the importance of whatever it is you’re arguing over. If it's something you don’t want or need to deal with, then don’t, but if you do, then tie it to an ideal to be argued for...or against. 

Arguing will always reinforce the conflict, which is why an understanding of arguing over something versus arguing for or against something is important.

Arguing for or against something means that facts will need to be involved, while arguing over something tends to involve feelings. Don’t ever argue over feelings, Beaux. Unlike facets, feelings can’t be argued. 

The RSVPs that people send to inquire about whether or not we’ll be attending the arguments they’ve invited us to might be pretty, but there’s still a place for them in the trash.  Why? Because invitations to argue over things don’t lead to the kind of open discussions that take place when arguing for or against something, and the last thing you want to do is to RSVP to arguments that are as fueled by emotion as they are devoid of logic. 

Remember this, Always.