OCTOBER | 2019 | BLACK, GAY & GIFTED

LIFE AND LIMB
DESMOND CARTER

The older we get the more we find ourselves reflecting on the many firsts of our lives. We remember the nervousness we felt on our very first day of school, the first time we rode a bike without the training wheels, and the first fight we ever fought. Many of us remember our first love, our first time, our second first time (y’all know what we mean), and our first heartbreak as well. These instances exist as more than mere moments of time. They are the things that define us, that shape our personalities, and pave the pathways of our lives. According to the Greek philosopher Epictetus, we’re not defined by the things we experience, but by the ways we react to the things we experience. That’s what leads us to Desmond Carter and his induction into our ever growing class of Black, Gay, and Gifted same gender loving gentlemen of color. 

Desmond was born in Brooklyn, New York, the birthplace of the deep fried Twinkie, Sweet’ N Low, and teddy bears. Whitney Houston’s “So Emotional” and Michael Jackson’s “Man In the Mirror” dominated the radio waves, while “Who’s The Boss?”, “Alf”, and “Dynasty” were the television shows nobody wanted to miss. Desmond was raised by his mother and aunt, and ranks as the fifth child out of his eleven brothers and sisters. “My father got around and had a tone of kids.” he says. Desmond describes the summers of his youth as being similar to Spike Lee’s ‘Crooklyn’. “Every summer I would go down south to Athens, Georgia to stay at my grandmother’s house.” He moved to Staten Island at the age of six and still lives there to this day. 

All of this seems pretty normal, right? Desmond, like many of us, spent his earlier years surrounded by family and friends. At the time it seemed as if his the events of his budding life were par for the course, but little did he know the rough of the course was nigh. Fast forward to the year 2000. The radio waves were invaded by bops like Beyonce’s Destiny’s Child’s “Say My Name”, Joe wanted to know, and Aaliyah was encouraging us all to dust it off and try again.

The Soprano’s, Oz, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force were on tap for television, and Al Gore was still waiting to have the presidency stolen from him. According to some he went on to invent the internet , but that’s another subject. Damen was eleven years old then, but instead of doing the things that typical eleven year old boys were doing, he was being diagnosed. “I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of eleven…” He said that being diagnosed with the chronic condition lead him to change his eating and sleeping habits, to set alarms to remind him to regularly check his blood sugar, and to overcome his fear of needles to ensure that he’d be able to take the insulin he needed. 

The rough continued to grow for Desmond in 2017. “I found out that I had osteomyelitis in my right foot and that it was spreading up my right leg.” Osteomyeltis is an infection of the bone. The condition is rare, but very serious. In most cases the infection is caused by a type of staph bacteria called Staphylococcus aureus, and its incidences of it are increased for those with diabetes. Desmond’s doctor gave him two options. The first of these two options would have sentenced him to a life of super strong IV medication, and the second option was to amputate the infected leg and commit to a battery of rigorous training to help Desmond walk again. 

“So after speaking to my family and close friends I chose to have my first amputation on my right leg.” Desmond had a below the knee amputation and started training on crutches a week after. “My family, friends, and boyfriend at the time were right by my side and helped me out tremendously.” Desmond was ready to walk again and had received his first prosthetic. “I told myself I wasn’t going to let this hold me back from anything I wanted to do.” Desmond returned to work with a new outlook on life just two weeks after he received the prosthetic. Despite the challenges he endured, Desmond continued to live his best life. He traveled, went to the gym, attended concerts, and did everything he wanted to do. 

One of Desmond’s Instagram followers introduced him to Prosthetics in Motion, a prosthetic company in Manhattan known for doing amazing work. “I reached out to them to see if they accepted my insurance and [to see] if I could get a new prosthetic made.” Desmond was so pleased with their work that he started working with them shortly after. “They offered me a position on their design team,'' he says. “Just knowing that I’m able to help other amputees makes my days even better. I’m using my situation for good.” 

Desmond’s design process starts with the patient. “I usually meet with the amputee first to see what they want and how they want their new limb to look…” He gives special consideration to the way the patient wants the limb to function as well. “I’ve designed for runners, gymnasts, dancers, and a young man that’s been an American Ninja Warrior.” Desmond, to date, has had a one hundred percent satisfaction rate and he takes great pride in that. “Everyone has been loving my designs and the feedback has been incredible!”

Desmond is the living embodiment of taking life’s lemons and making them into lemonade. He’s spun a series of unfortunate events into a ball of hope to be used for himself and for others who’ve endured the loss of a limb. “Through all of this I just wanted to make people feel like they did before they lost their limb.”

Many of us might not be able to call upon our inner strength in the same manner Desmond has. Overcoming a run of the mill obstacle is already a challenge, but the difficulty becomes compounded when we consider overcoming something that no one else we know has had to overcome. Desmond admits that his situation was a hard pill to swallow at first. “I didn’t know anyone that had an amputation before, so I started doing research and finding different groups of people who I could talk to who’d been through the same thing.” 

Desmond describes himself as always having a strong will to live an amazing life, and his story is evidence of that. He cites his mother as being his biggest inspiration. “She taught me to be an amazing man, to love life and to be kind to people.” He also credits his mother for being the force that pulled him through his suicidal ideations.

“She’s an amazing woman that's always done for herself without the help of any man!” Another of Desmond’s inspirations came from Mama Cax, a fellow amputee who, after being given three weeks to live after a cancer diagnosis, went on to become a viral fashion blogger. “She showed me that I could do anything I wanted and to not let being an amputee hold me back from living my best life.” Desmond has done a lot. Like, a whole lot, which is why we’re glad to have him featured as this month’s Black, Gay and Gifted. Not only has he spit in the face of adversity, but he’s made a name for himself by dedicating his life to improving the lives of others.

He’s currently teaching on Manhattan’s lower east side and enjoys working with youth, but will soon be heading into another high flying venture. “My plate is completely [full] and I am beyond happy with my life.” And, if you’ve taken nothing else from Desmond’s story, consider the biggest lesson he’s learned throughout his life. “Before my surgery I took things and people for granted, and afterwards I had so much more respect in my heart and understood that if I wanted something really bad, I had to work for it.” You can follow Desmond’s exploits on Instagram (@TheeDMC), but you’d better catch him while you can, because this gentleman is going places. Literally.