MARCH | 2020 | ESSENTIALS

WEIGHT UP

We overstand discrimination and ostricization that comes with being “unconventially sized”, and can both empathise with and relate to being on receiving side of fatphobia. This is why we’ve dedicated this month’s Essentials to reminding the targets of such things that they matter WAY more than the general public lets on, and to prevent them from falling into the belief that bigger is not better. The truth is quite the opposite of that, so before you attempt to click past this month’s Essentials, weight up. 

We are beyond certain that you possess an intimate knowledge of the social stigma associated with weight,  a stigma that many have subconsciously fashioned into a reality where “you’re too big the wear that”, or “you’re cute for a fat boy”, are appropriate things to say. There’s a certain blindness required to NOT see that fat bias is still a thing within and outside of SGL communities of color, and that these biases expose those they were formed against to trauma they might not always recover from.

Imagine, if you would, a lifetime of your family and friends assuming the role of your personal food coach, the challenges that come with finding clothes that fit the way they’re supposed to, and unsolicited invitations to “get into” herbalife. How confident would you be existing in a world where you had to experience such trash on top of being black and gay? These are but a few examples of the behaviors our bigger Beaux brothers have and have had to endure, behaviors that can be countered in more ways than one.

The first countermeasure is to remember that the weight of your worth is not tied to your weight. Despite what some may say, and how others might act, your weight is but one piece of your puzzle.whole. Such, there is absolutely no reason to tailor said piece to satisfy the superficial expectations of anyone! Your body is your business, and you should always free to mind it as you please.  

Gone are the days of you policing your style, of consciously eating “healthy” shit around your friends and family, and placing yourself in the background of group photos. That era has passed, and the next age of your existence is going to consist of you doing everything in your power to undo the psychic trauma you’ve dealt to yourself and that you’ve received from others!

The first step of this journey requires you to deep dive into the waters of whatever pools of negativity that have developed as a result of this trauma.

This difficult leap into the darkness will force you to confront the things you either feel or have felt after hearing someone who is thinner than you complain about being fat, to analyze why you felt the way you felt after being turned down because of your weight, and to unlock the doors of your responses to these situations. The goal of confronting these feelings is not to create a space for you to criticize yourself in as much as it's to find the best ways for you to heal.

Healing from the trauma you’ve experienced from others calls for you to accept that the trauma exists. This goes far beyond “getting over it”, as you’re certain to feel the effects of trauma for years to come. It’s important to not only accept it, but to address it as well. Acceptance calls for you to take an objective approach to your feelings and why you feel them. Take a step back from all of the things people have said or done regarding your weight. 

After you’ve accepted the things people have said or done regarding your weight then do your best to address it. Talking things over with the very people who’ve fat shamed you can go either way, so you’ve got to decide whether or not it's really worth it. Internal acceptance isn’t anything less challenging, but it may prove to be more rewarding. Internally addressing the fat shaming you’ve experienced can look a number of ways.

It can consist of you INTENTIONALLY surrounding yourself with affirming messages and people who couldn’t care less about your weight or, as many well intentioned folks say, your “health”. Remember earlier how we mentioned removing people from your cypher? Well this is exactly how to accomplish that. Deciding to make this move may not only put some of those who’ve offended you in their feelings, but provide you with the perfect opportunity to talk to them about why you’re doing what you’re doing.  

Another way to internally address the pain you’ve experienced as the result of being otherized because of your weight is to create and nurture an inner cheerleader. Creating an internal supporter might sound silly, but doing so goes a long way when it comes to confronting the negative thoughts you might have about your weight.

Its important to realize that creating this cheerleader comes with the responsibility of constantly nurturing it to the point where its presence is as consistent as it is supportive. You can cultivate this persona by continually speaking positivity over yourself until the process of doing so becomes second nature. 

It would be negligent for us to not suggest therapy as a means to address the trauma you’ve experienced from being fat shamed.

A lot of “us” have developed some reservations about the effectiveness of therapy, about whether or not it works, and have allowed ourselves to believe that we can “fix” the problem ourselves. However, the right therapist can provide any client with the tools necessary to navigate through whatever issue you throw their way. 

We’ve never claimed to be the bearers of the solutions to all things, but we’ve always claimed, and have always done our best to demonstrate, our love and support for those facing any type of discrimination, ostricization, or otherism.

If there’s one thing we want you to take away from any of what you’ve read, it's that your weight is not a problem, however being treated differently or as less than as a result of your weight is.

There are many who consider being overweight, differently sized, fat, or whatever you want to call it, as misgiving, as a fault, or something that can always be fixed with a little effort. While there are many ways in which any of us can make changes to our bodies, the choice to do so rests and resides within us. There are people who will purposely go out of their way to remind you of your weight, but remember that none of that has anything to do with you.

Remember this, always.