JUNE | 2019 | ESSENTIALS

SOCIAL ME

One of the first things you did this morning after waking up was to check your social media, wasn’t it? Your alarm probably went off around 6 A.M., and after you hit the snooze button you swiped on over to Facebook to catch up on everything you missed in the six to seven hours you were asleep. Then, after you’ve realized that you missed absolutely nothing, you more than likely tapped your way onto Instagram to discover that its algorithm had you looking at posts from two days ago. Perhaps then you rolled over to get another ten to fifteen minutes of sleep.

An estimated eighty percent of us check our phones before engaging in the traditional morning piss, which more than illustrates the tight-knit relationship we have with them. But just how involved are we? Have our grips on reality become more distorted as a result of the things we see on social media? Are we so interested and involved in the online lives of others that we’ve forgotten the importance of being true to ourselves? And how do we manage our near-constant desire for validation through likes and follows while scrolling through posts of people who appear to be at the top of their game?

A lot of us are super involved in social media. Whether we’re staying in touch, up to date, filling voids of spare time with cat videos and youtube shorts, or working to expand our network, we dedicate a lot of time to it. We find ourselves in a constant state of share. We share our photos, videos, opinions and beliefs, just as we share the photos, videos, opinions, and beliefs of others as they match our own. Our over involvement paints a picture that illustrates how much we rely on social media. Nearly 86% of us log onto our social platforms at least once a day, and 72% of us are using it multiple times a day. We’re logging in from our phones, computers, and tablets all in an effort to see and be seen.

The challenge with this is that some of us have allowed our grip on reality to become distorted. Allowing social media to be our guide has lead many of us to think that everyone’s life is better than ours. We aimlessly scroll through their illusions and find ourselves feeling inadequate as a result. We covet their seemingly perfect relationships, envy their ability to travel as they please, and wish we could have social lives similar to the ones they portray online. If we’re not careful we’ll start asking ourselves when and where we went wrong in life, as the social media expectation is that we should be living according to the same standards the people we’re following are.

We’ve got to be careful about all of this, because many of the picture perfect relationships we seek to mirror are wrought with abuse, scandal, and deceit. Our “traveling friends” might have an Instagram feed filled with pictures of them on exotic vacations and in fancy hotels, but the reality is that they’re flying standby on someone else’s buddy pass. The vast majority of the rest have bank accounts that are over drawn, rent thats not paid, and electricity that’s ten seconds away from being disconnected, and are probably one car note payment away from repossession. But they’ll never post that--and we’re not telling you what we read. Many social media users live in a fake reality, one where inauthenticity sells and where follower counts supersedes credibility.

Of course our purpose isn’t to drag social media, because it's something we all use. It's best purpose is to serve as a mirror and not a mirage. The mirror is us reflecting who we are to the world. It's what WE think, what WE feel, support, stand for and put our attention towards. It's a projection of who we are. The mirage is the illusion we create, illusions that showcase who we think we should be as opposed to who we actually are. The mirage is us pretending to be more successful than we really are, its us posing in front of a car we don’t own, and taking pictures in houses and apartments we don’t hold the title or lease to.

Social media might keep us from having as much face to face interaction with others as we would if it didn’t exist, but it still allows us to meet and connect with people. The relationships we establish with these people won’t be worth anything if we’re lying about who we are, which is why it's best to keep it as real as possible about who we are and what we’re about.  Can you imagine what it would be like to meet someone who seemed to have it together online only to discover that they were a mess in real life? Oh? What’s that you say? You’ve already met someone like that? Well, you should have no problem catching our drift! Social media taps into the ways we relate to others, and our relationships are built on the things we have in common with them, so it should come as no surprise that we’d stand to damage a relationship that was built on a pile of lies.

Being our authentic selves helps to prevent these instances on our end- but we’ve still got to exercise some discretion. Although we may put our best foot forward in being our authentic self, the person or people we’re meeting may be doing the opposite. There are plenty of examples of people pre-planning their online interactions to create friendship facades, so discernment is always key. However important it is for us to keep our third eye open, the only people we can take responsibility for is ourselves. People tend to exhibit themselves differently on social media by portraying either the best or best concocted versions of their online selves, so we’ve gotta be cautious.    

There’s a lot we can learn from people who operate in this manner. The first thing we can learn is the importance of managing our desires for social media validation. The TOP reason people are out here living their best fake lives is because they want to be seen as much as possible. They are so driven by the thirst of social acceptance and celebration that they are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it. There are ways to curb this appetite for recognition. For example, knowing how we feel about ourselves versus public approval, and refraining from comparing our station in life to others goes a long way in making sure we’re on our path, and on a path laid for us by the influence of others.

There’s a certain sense of satisfaction we receive when our posts are liked, shared and commented on, but no matter how “valuable” the attention we get from our followers is, none of it can be deposited into a bank account. We should all feel free to chase the things we think will provide success and appreciation, but again, social media likes can only take us so far. That brings us to the second lesson, which is that the people we meet on social media can only go off of what they see. If we post sexually suggestive updates and photos in an effort to gain attention, the attention we gain will be based off of that and that alone. If we base our social media persona on false senses of self for the sake of likes, comments and shares, then we’ve got to be willing to take the shit that comes with it.

All of this is important to consider when using these apps. From the time we wake up, throughout our day, and as we head to bed, we have got to be careful that we keep a firm grip of reality while on social media. Yeah, a lot of the people we follow may appear to be living fantasy lives, but just know that there’s always more to the story then they’re actually showing. None of their photos or posts are made or taken by chance, they are calculated down to the tiniest detail, and don’t always reflect what really is. We shouldn’t compete for the attention of those who can’t or won't take us at face value. No matter how we’re judged for not being what people want, or for not having the things they have, we’ve got to remain true to ourselves and know that doing so will make space for those who do the same.

Remember this, always.