SEPTEMBER | 2019 | FRONT PAGE

GIRL

Okay, so there’s this thing that almost, if not all, of us, have experienced throughout our time within this community- and that thing is being called “girl”. At some point we decided that it’d be a good idea to use it on and amongst each other- and no one really knows why. Outside of the words “fuck” and “shit”, there are very few words as versatile as “girl”. In its original context its a noun used to describe any woman under the age of eighteen, but it can also be used as an informal verb (“John is such a girl!”), an interjection (“Girl!”), and walks hand in hand with the part of speech known as a pronoun (“She tries too hard”).

A cultural knowledge of the word allows us to understand its use in context, like when one of our friends has something they can’t wait to tell us (“Girrrrrrrl…”), when we’re annoyed (“Girl…” + heavy sigh + an exaggerated eye roll), or as a form of dismissal (“...girl” + a bitchy wave off). It can be equally used as a term of endearment, as a form of relation, or as an insult, depending on the context. However, despite the intention behind the use of the word, there are plenty of us who just don’t like it being used on or towards us, which is why we’re kicking off the front page of our second annual Stereotype issue with examining what the hell any of this girl business is all about. 

Terms of endearment are what we call people we love, like, or at the very least, can tolerate. Many of us have heard them and even more of us have used them. “Honey”, “sweetheart”, “madea”, and ”friend” are a few of the most popular ones. There’s also “girl”. A brief visit to the history of gay linguistics will uncover that the term girl is one of the most widely used terms of endearment within the community. Its used as a way of acknowledging and embracing femininity, and in showing affection to those closest to our hearts. However, no matter how pure the intention behind the word may be, it remains problematic to some because it perpetuates the gay feminine stereotype.  

This is where things start to get a little tricky, because even in the most sincerest of instances we unintentionally trigger negative responses in those who strive to break free of the gay feminine stereotype. These feelings are perfectly valid when we consider the ways in which we (yes, “we”) view women in 2019. We still live in a male dominated world, and women are still taking social back seats to anything with a penis. Since women are viewed in this way, addressing one of our cis gendered Beaux brothers with a female pronoun might lead them to believe that we view them with the same patriarchal eyes that heterosexual men view women.

Regardless of our sexuality, a lot of US still view women as being weaker, less able, more vulnerable, and even more emotional than we view ourselves as men. We’re not alone in this (but that doesn’t make it any better), which is why women are still making less money than men for the same jobs, constantly fighting for their reproductive rights, and find their sports teams as being less popular than ours.

Shit’s real in these gender binary streets, and we gotta stop acting like we don’t notice the shit’s stench. 

All of these factors play a role in why certain subsects of SGL men don’t like to be addressed as “girl”, because doing so means that we’re putting them in the same misogynistic box that we place women in.  Although most of us use the term as one of endearment, many of us use it as an insult. How many times have you been in a spat with someone, and upon recounting the disagreement said “...that girl.”? How many times have you sought to undermine someone’s manhood by addressing them as “she” or “her”? 

Anytime we purposefully misgender someone, we’re essentially telling them that they, nor their gender, are important enough to be respected. It's as if we’re telling them to forget who they are in the stead of being who we tell them to be. Its reductive and reinforces the hierarchical power differences that exist between genders. Misgendering is about more than demonstrating a lack of basic respect, but is one of the most toxic forms of hostility.

The best way to not be a dick about any of this is to call people what they want to be called. Yeah, we know it's been said before, but we’re well aware that people generally tend to learn better through repetition. Anyone of us who was raised with an ounce of decency knows that purposefully misgendering someone is fundamentally not okay, but there are always those manage to act like they don’t understand, or like it’s not a big deal. Well it is. We could liken it to white people calling us nigger, but we shouldn’t have to go to that extreme to establish something that only requires simplistic understanding of common human decency.

This very basic understanding of human decency tells those of us who know better that misgendering represents us knowing more about the person we’re misgendering than they do, as to say, “I know how you identify, but I also know better, so I’m going to call you this.” Its telling someone that we don’t see them as they see themselves, that their existence is only as valid as we make it. Its us demonstrating our desire to purposefully hurt someone, and that offending them is more important than confronting our own discomfort. 

Again, we realize that some of us use feminine pronouns as a way to show our love for those closest to us, but we have got to know our audience! What’s equally important are the apologies we give in the event that we do offend someone. Know that the whole “you’ll have to forgive me”, “you don’t know how hard it is”, and “this is new to me”, won’t ever cut it. Why? Because calling someone what they want to be called is not rocket science.  

The long of the short of it is for us all to call people what they want to be called. We can talk about the rest our misogynistic ways later, but for now we just want all of you reading this to call people what they wish to be called. Yes, there are plenty among us who don’t mind the female pronoun. That’s what works for them and they can easily relate to it. But we’ve got to be equally as accepting of the fact that there are those of us who simply do not care to be addressed in such ways. It takes more consideration than it does energy for us to speak a pronoun, so if we focus on that ease we’ll have less time to spend on the poorly crafted apologies to follow the fallout.