A Gentleman's Guide

MARCH | 2018


M O D E S T   B O D I E S


Can you think of the last time you heard someone tell a masculine man that they need to tone down their masculinity? How often do we hear our physically fit Beaux brothers complain about being told to wear clothes that fit them? On what occasion have we advised people to gain weight or work out less?  

The truth is we almost never hear these things because they rarely (if ever) occur. Continuing the theme of this month’s issue we want to talk about forced modesty and the ways in which we police the actions of others and offer some suggestions on how we can be great by not being such dicks about other people and their business.

Modesty is a set of ideals forced upon women that teaches them how not to dress, how not to act and what not to say. Ideals of modesty are as patriarchal as they are oppressive and believe it or not, women aren’t the only ones affected by it.

Within the SGL community we respect a fat boy who covers up, but he’d better not take that shirt off in public. Similarly, we cherish the quiet fem, because nobody wants to hear his girly ass outside of the bedroom, and even that depends on our mood.  Things would probably be better for both the fat and effeminate Beaux if he only he were more modest.


We judge, shame and criticize the sex worker Beaux as well. Sure, we don’t mind watching him swing around that pole on a Saturday night, but he’s lost his mind if he thinks he’s going to sit next to us on church on Sunday. We don’t care about his escort profile on Adam (yes, people still use Adam), but he should know better than to speak to us in public. What will people think?

Our interpretation of modesty and morality make us feel like we can be the judges, jury and executioners of everything and everyone.  We want those people to stay in the places we’ve constructed for them, so we police their actions and those who fail to adhere to the social ideals or standards of modesty are ostracized as a form of punishment.

But why are we so pressed?

Because we’re trash and we haven’t lived and we find it insulting to see people who are living. Our views on the importance of modesty is what makes us boring and if we have to be boring than dammit, so does everyone else.  

But that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.


Lissen, the fat Beaux knows he’s fat and he’s either going to do something about it or he’s not. Either way it’s none of our business. Our goal should be on confronting the feelings we have on his fatness and on how to deal with them.

The fem Beaux couldn’t care less of what any of us thinks about him. Society has been trying to box him up his entire life and while he may have tried to tone it down in the past- it didn’t work out, so dammit he’s here.


The sexually free Beaux knows that his time is worth as much money as his “talents” are, so if you want to talk to him about his escorting profile, multiple appearances in porn or about the way he swings around that stripper pole, its gonna cost you.

When it comes to our views on modesty we’ve gotta remember that anytime we seek to enforce our views of it onto others we’re reflecting our ignorance and our envy. Our versions of modesty are our version of modesty and nobody has to adhere to them but us.

There is always a place for modesty and that place is with like-minded people. If you’re team “no fats, no fems”, then you should only associate with people who are equally as bigoted as you.

So the next time you say or think that the effeminate Beaux needs to tone it down, that the fat Beaux needs to work out more and that the heaux Beaux needs Jesus, remember to 1, mind your business.  The sooner we all learn the importance of that, and that modesty, in all of its forms has always been a way of policing the actions of bodies of others, we’ll be well on our way to a path of progression.


Jeremy CarterComment