JANUARY | 2020 | LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

QUID PRO BEAUX

Anything worth having never comes easy, and if you’ve lived a single day outside of the comfort of your parent's roof you overstand this. The degrees we’ve attained, the money we work for to pay our bills, and our sunshine reputations are things that we not only worked hard to attain but to maintain as well. College wasn’t a cakewalk, and neither was financing it. Our paychecks cost us time, our living costs us money, and our reputations, for those of us who care, cost effort. However, these things and the energy we put into them can be fruitful when properly nurtured. Dating is no different, as it requires time, a little (or a lot) of money, and effort as well. That’s why it's perfectly acceptable for us all to match ourselves with a Beaux who can pro quo all of our quids.

Regardless of what President Trump says, Quid Pro Quo is a thing. It exists, and it’s not always something that’ll result in impeachment. When it comes to dating and finding that Beaux shaped needle in the haystack of love, a little quid pro quo goes a long way. The notion of something given for something received isn’t new, and many of us unconsciously live our lives under this belief. We quid to work and our employers pro quo a check made out to us for the previously mentioned quid. We live in a world where fair trade is no robbery. That’s why we almost always get what we pay for. We can equally apply this edict to our dating lives as well. Looking at things from this perspective leaves us better equipped to make better decisions and save more time as we navigate this thang called love. 

 Let’s start by looking at some of the things we willingly offer while playing the field. Our time, consistency, and vulnerability are all commodities in the realm of dating. Time is one thing we can’t ever get back, so it's important to ensure that none of it is wasted. Our consistency takes effort, and that effort takes time. Both must always be appreciated as much as they should be reciprocated. Vulnerability is equally important as well. There are those that consider vulnerability as a weakness, but the opposite of that is true because it gives us the opportunity to show a potential Beaux that we we trust him enough to show him that side of us. 

All of this sounds lovey dovey, but these things come with single a caveat, which is that for every ounce of time, consistency, and vulnerability we give, we must receive an acceptable amount of it in return! As simple as this sounds there are still those of us who simply don’t get it. This is why we spend time on people who aren’t worth a fraction of our life’s seconds, make excuses and exceptions for their inconsistencies, and waste our vulnerabilities on those who couldn’t care less about our fractured hearts and our wounded feet. This is where a familiarity with quid pro quo is important in the dating realm. 

There is a common belief that quid pro quo in relationships is a quid pro no-no. Some see this belief as a rule, but everybody knows that there are exceptions to every rule. Romantic relationships require give and take, and the hope is that our Beaux doesn’t take more than he gives. This means he’s not taking more time than he gives, that he demonstrates what we deem to be an acceptable amount of consistency, and that he’s as willing to expose his soft side as much as we are ours. It means that our favors to him are returned in ways we find acceptable. This perspective is the exception, where that which is received is of an acceptable value when compared to that which has been given. The next part, the part where people tend to lose themselves in, is the rule. 

Quid pro quo, ad verbum, means that anything we receive must be of equal value to that which we have given as a favor. THIS is what doesn't- what can’t- be applied to the realm of dating. A literal application of quid pro quo as a rule would mandate that if we spent fifteen dollars on a small gift for our Beaux, then we’d expect that he would spend exactly fifteen dollars on a gift for us. That’s bullshit, life doesn’t work that way, and any of us who think it should deserve to remain single. Pursuing, and eventually entering into a relationship with the expectation, with the demand that our efforts are equally matched without giving consideration to the ability of our Beaux to do so is a set up for a let down. 

The happiest couples give to each other with little, if any, expectation of receiving anything in return. There are exceptions to this as well, so please don’t take this to mean that one should blindly give or receive any more or less than the other. Recall that our exception to the rule of quid pro quo included the word “acceptable”. An example of this can easily be found in the way many financially discordant couples operate. Anyone who knows from experience or simple hearsay can testify that the Beaux who earns less money can’t always afford to shower his Beaux with expensive gifts, but this doesn’t mean the Beaux who earns more doesn’t appreciate the efforts made by the Beaux who earns less. 

Because this is more about consistency and effort than it is about money, let’s center on functioning within the abilities of our Beaux. It means that he makes time for us regardless of how busy his schedule is, that we allow him to be vulnerable in his own ways, and not in the ways we set forth for him, and that he is as consistent as he can be when it comes to us. Remember, this is about the things we’re willing to accept within reason, the things that work for the relationship, and most importantly for us. When it comes to love and relationships, fair doesn’t always mean equal, but it does always mean reasonable. 

Understanding this perspective may be useful when it comes to changing our perspective on dating in 2020, as it’ll give us the opportunity to identify the things we find acceptable within reason. Quid pro quo translates to “this for that”, where we and whoever we’re pro quoing with agree to make a mutual exchange- and that doesn’t work when it comes to love. Love can be messy, it can be emotional, and the ultimate test of our patience, but it can never be as cut and dry as quid pro quo. Our search for love should be done pro bono and gratuitously, as we should give and use it freely and for good. Should we expect things our Beaux to match our energy? Yes. But we should also remember the exception to the rule, that fair doesn’t always mean equal, and that we might not always get what we give, but we’ll always get what we accept.