AUGUST | 2018 | LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS
You have finally met him, your Beaux! He’s perfect! The mental, emotional and physical connections are there from the start and you fall in love. Then comes the sex-- or maybe it was sex and then love? Either way, he’s everything you have every wanted in a partner and the relationship is going great! It’s been several months and you’ve barely had an argument, except about what to watch on Netflix of course. You’ve got all your bases covered… when you start noticing a change in your sex life.
Sex was all you could think about at the start of your relationship. The two of you were constantly going at it every chance you got, but then, like a volcano entering dormancy, your sex life started to crust over and cooled off. That which was once hot and heavy, slowly declined and became luke warm and adequate at best.
You’re not sure how it happened but at some point sex with your Beaux became routine and mechanized. You can’t even remember the last time you had sex. The once molten ground has hardened and lands you at the realization that either one or both of you just aren’t as interested in doing the deed as you used to be. You are officially in a rut! Questions begin to take root like weeds in the garden of your mind. How did you get here? What were you doing wrong? Is he not attracted anymore?
You know the love is still there, that much is clear; and you still enjoy spending time together, too. Your friends, family and lifestyle are all in sync but the sex has become virtually non-existent and you don’t know why or what to do about it.
You might think that sex isn’t that important if everything else is there, right? Maybe. Every relationship is different but for most the answer is a definite: Wrong. So why is sex so important in the first place and what do you do if your partner’s sex drive changes? How do you keep your sex life intense and passionate after the honeymoon phase has ended, normality takes hold and sexual differences start to show?
We’re going to provide the answers to these questions as we explore the importance of sex, handling changes in your partner’s desires, and provide some tips on keeping your sex from going the way of the once beloved passenger pigeon.
While not all romantic relationships are sexual, there is a chemical connection between successful relationships and sex. Remember how after the first time you woke up with a smile on your face and song in your heart? Do you recall that feeling of elation and the satisfaction? Maybe it was so good that you made breakfast you Beaux, and there was extra pep in your step as you headed off to work. You secretly reveled in the comments made by your co-workers about how you’ve been smiling all day- basking in what’s commonly known as the “afterglow”. The afterglow results from the endorphins released by you and your Beaux the night before.
The intimacy that you share with someone you love affects you on many levels, including your mental and physical health. When you have sex with your partner, it enhances your positive emotions about them and serves to building a fulfilling relationship.
In men especially, sex is the way we connect; it’s what lets us know that we are attractive and wanted in our relationships which creates a sense of unity. Additionally, our egos are tied to sex and are fed by the praise we receive from our partners when the sex is good. In these instances we feel powerful and alive but can quickly lose confidence if we’re made to feel the opposite which not only makes us less likely to engage in it but can lead to a lost connection as well as the end of the relationship. It is perfectly normal to fall into a routine when you are in a long-term relationship, but what do you do when one of you just isn’t feeling it?
The key to any successful relationship is communication. You’re not in the relationship alone, so you have to discuss what you are feeling with you partner to identify what‘s happening in your sex life and why. The best place to start at any problem is its root the root.
Maybe one of you is under a lot of stress because you’ve been working too many hours. If all you or your partner thinks about is when that big presentation is due there is less energy to do you. Stress and sleep deprivation can decrease a person’s sexual appetite. Other common causes are a change in medication, as many medications can decrease libido. It is also possible that you or your Beaux might be experiencing performance anxiety brought on by erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation- because both of these things are things. Every situation is different but whatever the case, you must communicate with your partner before trying to find ways to change the situation by yourself.
Now for the fun part of talking about the ways in which you keep your sex life interesting! The first thing you might want to consider is planning sex a night in advance. Now before you start throwing tomatoes, give us a moment to explain. First, let's stop acting like the kind of sex we engage in can always be spontaneous, because you know as well as we do that can lead to the messiest of situations. Secondly, the anticipation can be a nice catalyst for an explosive sexual reunion.
You and your Beaux might also consider a change in environment. Just how sturdy is that table in your kitchen, and how perfectly can you and your Beaux recreate the now infamous shower scene between MiMi Faust and Stevie J? The guest room isn’t a guest room until you and your Beaux have personally broken it in and while you’re at it, make some time to explore his storage spaces in the basement, which can be used for more than storing Christmas decorations.
Another exciting recommendation is switching up your time table. Not every sexual experience has to last all night and such, we encourage you to indulge in the occasional morning quickie. If you’re really interested in getting more bang for your buck, then take a break. Yeah, you read that right. By abstaining from penetrative sex and focusing on things above the waist you and your Beaux will be able to explore your senses. Have you ever had your nipples licked while blindfolded? Experience that before you cast your doubts. And, while they’re not normally considered to be above the waist, you can always include some foot play by incorporating a rule where the foreplay can’t be done unless its with the feet. Yes, penetrative sex is AH-MAY-ZING but too much of the same thing can get real old, and real boring real fast.
Add some dirty talk and intense eye contact to your repertoire for good measure because you know how much he likes being called “zaddy”. Have sex on silk sheets or other materials that make you feel sexy during foreplay and incorporate things other objects that offer different stimuli. Remember that blindfolded- nipple lick we brought up a few sentences ago. Add a feather to that and….wow. Just wow. And we’re not telling you what we read. If you’re really looking to add some spice to your sex life then push your boundaries by giving roleplay a try because nothing beats a “zaddy” like a “Sir”. You wanna know what a sexy safe word is? Try ‘please’. Experimentation in leather might also be worth the try, because nothing goes better with new car smell than man scent.
Sex is never supposed to feel like a chore. It is a physical and mental act between you and your Beaux that keeps you emotionally and spiritually connected.. Don’t give up if things aren’t always perfect. If you keep exploring one another and communicating openly and honestly, the bond you form with each other will continue to ignite that spark you started with and it will never go out! Good luck and have fun!