APRIL | 2020 | LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

THICK AND THIN

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity…” Some will recognize this as the opening paragraph of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. We found it to be an appropriate theme for April’s Love & Relationships as those of us who are cohabitating with our Beauxs during these unprecedented times, are getting a crash course in the meaning of “through thick and thin”. 

The phrase was originally used as a caution to those traveling through the thick and thin of the wilderness. It was assumed that anyone who was willing and capable of doing so, could be trusted to be at your side to endure whatever hardships or obstacles you may encounter outside of the forest. The more you know.  

The current environment has found many of us taking every precaution necessary to mitigate the rage that comes with sheltering in place with someone who thinks that washing his own fucking dishes after each and every drink or meal is optional, who’s taste in music is as infuriating as it is questionable, and with someone whose location can easily be determined by following the trail of used Tazo tea bags he’s left in his wake. While none of these habits are new, the somewhat sudden increase of time spent in a shared space has increased our awareness of them. The consequence of this is that no matter how healthy we might feel, our relationships are feeling the not so flu like symptoms of COVID-19.

However stressful these situations may be, we’ve gotta be real careful about complaining because they’re exactly what we asked for. It’s the price we pay for going spitzies on the rent, and the cost associated with having a roommate, best friend, and partner to come home to at night. The married among us took an oath before God and a respectable number of our closest friends and family members to hold space for our Beaux “through sickness and health”, while the unmarried among us took an unspoken, but assumed oath of “through thick and thin” as we launched ourselves head first into our current relationship.

The married among us (hopefully) realized the amount of time, patience and dedication that marriage takes, while some of the remaining unmarried among us are probably searching through the terms and conditions of the relationship contracts we signed with our Beaux to research the specified limitations as the Rona has proven herself as being the thinnest of the thin. 

While time is often viewed as the most valuable of currencies known to man, it can also function as the medium with which the attention we pay to the things we view as their weaknesses and flaws grow. Our patience fades, self-resistance weakens, and we allow ourselves to become annoyed with them more frequently. It’s at this point where many of us will start to critique and criticize their every move. Criticizing our Beaux becomes easier when Target, Walmart, and the liquor store are the only places open to offer us some form of escape. However, our trips to these places will be short lived at best, and we’ll eventually have to return to our indefinite shelter in place sentence.

A quick and effective alternative to outright criticizing our Beaux is to remember that NOW is definitely not the time to do so. We realize that’s easier said than done, which is why that’s not the only suggestion we’re hitting you with. Before we place the bothersome habits of our Beaux into the crosshairs of our wrath, we can spend a little time considering what he is doing right.

Maybe we can center our focus on the way we feel after considering that under normal circumstances he’s always got dinner waiting on us after work, that he not only enjoys folding the laundry, but putting it away as well, and that he never sneaks ahead to watch the things we’re watching together on Netflix alone. None of these things are going to remove the tea bag stains from the kitchen counter, but they should serve as a helpful reminder that if we want to be this close to our Beaux, we can’t be critical. 

Our next consideration finds us relating something scientific to something not so scientific. Enter Issac Newton’s third law of motion, where, when formally stated, every action results in an equal and opposite reaction. The same can be said when it comes to the things we say and do to our Beaux as we desperately pine for our shelter in place sentences to be commuted. It will always be important for us to consider the way our actions affect our Beaux, considering the way we respond to his reaction to our actions is important as well.

Although many of us strive to maintain an environment of love and positivity, we can, during our less than admirable moments, do and say things that may not go over too well. Policing our Beaux’s personal choices, being dismissive, or invalidating his feelings are some pretty surefire ways to win ourselves a front row ticket to the “How Things went Left” concert. Many of us have already reached the height of our limits after being stuck in the house with our Beaux, and if we’re feeling it, chances are he’s feeling it too. 

The sting of a state sanctioned house arrest smarts to say the least, so we’ve got to be careful that we don’t set off any landmines. Such, the time for us to identify his triggers is now. Well, actually the time to do this was before we made the decision to cohabitate with him, but we’re here now so the best we can do is work to consider them. Most triggers revolve around dismissal, resentment, and stagnation, so we’ll want to do our best to avoid saying or doing anything that will provoke a reactionary response to these things.  

The key to making it through, past, and beyond the thick and thin of COVID-19, or any other storm we find ourselves weathering alongside our Beaux, is to remember why we chose him to begin with. Almost every relationship has been challenged by the audacity of circumstance, but a return to its foundation should serve as an effective counter. The loyalty, sincerity, and sense of safety and compatibility we felt in the beginning of our relationships serve as a collection of shields to defend us against the thick of things, while the our trust, respect, and unconditional acceptance of one another, form a sword capable of cutting down anything foolish enough to stand in its way. 

It's safe to assume that this is the first pandemic any of us have experienced to this degree, and it's probably safer to assume that we’re all hopeful that it’ll be the last. We’re all doing our best to cope with the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty of it all. None of us can say for certain how many more of these days lay ahead of us, which is why we’ve got to make the best of the situation.

Part of this is to monitor the energy we’re giving our Beaux, that we are careful not to criticize, and avoid pulling his triggers. Depending on who you ask we’re fortunate enough to have someone at our side as we weather its storm, to have someone with which we can navigate the thick and thin of COVID-19, and any other obstacle bold enough to rear her ugly head.