A Gentleman's Guide

APRIL | 2018

APRIL | 2018 | LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

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RELATIONSHIPS VS. SITUATIONSHIPS

We’re always a fan of love and appreciate every moment when we’re able to either showcase it or talk about it in general. The assumption is that we, as same gender loving men, don’t find value in serious monogamous relationships. And while that may be true for some of us, it might not present as being accurate for others.

With spring underway and the inevitable end of cuffing season approaching, we thought it’d be a good time to give our take on the relationship versus the situationship.  We’re providing this service to you all because, again, cuffing season is almost over and if you’ve been playing all season you’re at the point where you need to decide about whether you’re need to shit or get off the pot.

Relationships come in many forms. You have monogamy, which has always been set as the standard and then you have polyamory, which many perceive to be more lenient in nature than monogamy. While these are two forms of widely accepted types of romantic relationships there’s another type that many of us don’t know about and the scary part is that we may be in one right now, at this very moment.  It’s called a “situationship”.

Situationships are where would be relationships go to die. A situationship is what happens when the Beaux you met during the drafting period of cuffing season starts to lose his charm and where you, the afflicted, have become complacent.

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There are some contrasting differences that exist between a relationship and a situationship. We’re at a point in time now, where the idea of a relationship has become as diluted as it is uncommon.

First, you’ll know whether or not you’re in a relationship based on your title. What does he call you in front of his friends? “Bae” doesn’t count either.  If you and your Beaux haven’t set clear definitions of what it is the two of you are doing, you’re in a situationship. You’re either dating as a precursor to being in a relationship or you’re just using each other for consistent sex and affection.

Are you off the market or nah? Are you two still entertaining other guys? Are your dating apps still active? What the hell are the two of you doing? Now don’t be hasty, or impatient, because that would lead to you jumping head first into a relationship that you’re not ready for, but be careful as well because at some point you have to progress with him or someone else.

Relationship edict requires that you get the title, and while the title doesn’t necessarily define the union, it’s still pretty damn important.  Also, being in a (monogamous) relationship means that you’re off the market and when the time is right you should be able to have that discussion. And while you’re free to have that conversation anytime, let's be careful that we’re not wasting time because dating someone for more than a year is beyond ridiculous.

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Another difference that exists between situationships and relationships is a little thing called an expectation. If you inquire as to what your Beaux’s expectations are and he gives you that “ I don’t have any expectations” spiel, issa situationship.   Relationships come with expectations and while the involved may have different expectations, the fact that they have expectations means they are invested.

If you’re Netflixing and chilling with your Beaux and have spent little to no time on an actual date,
ya’ll probably ain’t making no noise. Now, in understanding that there are those of us who don’t have the financial means to treat our Beauxs to consistent nights out on the town…wait, that’s not really an excuse. Any man who is interested in you will do whatever it takes to keep your attention, and hell, if Netflix will automatically shut off if you don’t show it you’re still watching so why should you be any different?

If you find yourself titleless, unable to get your Beaux to commit to commitment, aren’t being taken on dates, and can’t figure out what his expectations of the relationship is, much less get him to discuss whether or not he has any expectations- its not a relationship.

Additionally, if you find yourself making future plans without your Beaux and still attend social events as a one-piece meal, issa situationship. You might have feelings and care about your Beaux, but if the love isn’t there then neither is the relationship. If you haven’t met his friends and texting is your primary form of communication, you sir, are in a situationship.

It's best to identify these things as soon as possible and if you feel its necessary to do so, address them with your Beaux because none of us have time to waste. We’ve always got to be fair to ourselves first, and you’re not being fair to yourself if you’re dating someone with the hopes of being in a relationship with someone who you haven’t even taken pictures with yet. Take some time to evaluate where you and your Beaux are with thing and make whatever decisions you need to make, because the last thing you want to do is to be in a situationship you didn't expect to be in!

 

Jeremy Carter